i began to fear falling asleep
solely because it meant dreaming about you
a dream that would make me forget about the constant pain coursing through my whole body every time i thought of her in your arms instead of me

a dream that i would have to wake up from

i was afraid of sleep because i didn't want to risk waking up without you

i was afraid of having to relive the heartbreak of losing you over and over again, even though

i suppose

i never really had you, did i?

...

2am poetry

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