There is a young person in my office who very clearly thinks I'm the most boring person on the planet
by televisionarie
186
14
8 tracks
Nothing's a joke with me. It just all comes out like one.
by televisionarie
67
4
8 tracks
This is a bridge to somewhere and it is a bridge from somewhere, and that somewhere is Philadelphia.
by televisionarie
57
0
8 tracks
"Don't be so sardonic, it's not good for your soul." "I don't have a soul.
by televisionarie
64
2
8 tracks
With rage and contempt! Next question.
by televisionarie
80
2
8 tracks
Say: "Hey. I am a very cool person. I am tough." Show him your bicep.
by televisionarie
342
17
8 tracks
You look WASPier every single time I look you up on Facebook
by televisionarie
44
3
8 tracks
I say if you’re not supposed to swim, you’re not supposed to try and kill the devil.
by televisionarie
13
3
8 tracks
Words for a tombstone: SHE DIDN'T DIE OF HAPPINESS.
by televisionarie
39
2
8 tracks
So I went to college in Baltimore, I have a dog named Lenny, and two vaginas named Octavia and Merlin
by televisionarie
236
6
8 tracks
I'm not hungry. I don't need any crêpes.
by televisionarie
62
9
8 tracks
Make Adjustments! Go Get It Energized!
by televisionarie
30
4
8 tracks
Just 'cause I'm not getting any doesn't mean you shouldn't be
by televisionarie
40
3
8 tracks
My worst nightmare was a boring nightmare
by televisionarie
102
3
8 tracks
Anyway, no. I won’t be whistling that tune.
by televisionarie
22
1
8 tracks
That is how a female French major thinks
by televisionarie
31
3
9 tracks
I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's
by televisionarie
8
0
8 tracks
That was the moment that you lost your charm
by televisionarie
23
6
8 tracks
I'm trying your monogamy in increments of 1 through 3
by televisionarie
10
0
8 tracks
Trapped in the Office. Eating Girl Scout Cookies.
by televisionarie
11
1
8 tracks
No one talks about me when I'm not there
by televisionarie
11
1
8 tracks
Little Room, Biggest of Plans: Let's Make Out!
by televisionarie
1081
97
11 tracks
