@PabloPenguin1800 Hey sorry for not replying to your message until rn, I was cleaning up my 8tracks notifications on my gmail and must have deleted yours by accident. I really hope so, too. Thanks! My mom isn’t the greatest parent to be around with if you could tell. I plan to move away from her and maybe live with my grandparents for a while. Besides, New York sucks and California’s too far away to go college. My brother says I’m crazy for wanting to stay in Ohio, but I love my grandparents so much. They never make me super angry or sad whenever I visit them. They fill the void caused from my mom’s abuse with kindness and optimism for improving my life, yet my grandma never sugarcoats anything either. My grandpa is more simplistic and enjoys his life the way it is, not wanting to change a thing about it. They’re the reason why I want to stay in Ohio. My mom already disowned them a long time ago, so now they’re hurting for money and need help on their farm. She refuses to even think that they exist. It’s sad how petty my mom is, me and my brother have been trying to clean up her mess for years. I’m so grateful that I have a chance to have a relationship with my grandparents. Yeah, I had really bad anxiety attack a couple weeks ago after school and the Dean of Students at my school insisted that I have therapy. So now, I’m with my guidance counselor, writing down whatever is bothering me that day in a journal. It’s actually kind of nice because I’ve noticed that I’m thinking more rationally and less about harmful shit. I mean, I’m still having issues at school, but I feel like they’re getting better though. Junior year for me is a major adjustment atm. She’s way more understanding than the physiologist. Probably because we’re pretty good friends, I’m likely to talk about more personal things with her and know that she won’t do something shitty with my info than the last counselor I had. The last one didn’t even arrive on time let alone gave two shits about my well-being. Seriously, she would come in late of the time and then tell it’s my fault that I’m having problems at school and home. I’m glad that she quit last year. Apparently the pay wasn’t enough and she moved upstate from what I’ve heard. I agree so much! Being lesbian is amazing! It felt incredible to tell everyone about it the first time. For me coming out, I gave my family hints over a period of a couple months before I actually told them. But I didn’t tell my mom immediately because I knew that she would flip out and I opened up to my brother first. She like your parent where she can’t stand LGBTQ+ anything. I remember once my brother was talking about one of his friends being nonbinary and she said that LGBTQ+ people were selfish and greedy because they weren’t straight. My mom complained that they cared more about having orgies with random stranger than feeding people on the streets. Another time she announced that we were moving to New Mexico or Texas. My brother argued that it would be unfair to me because I’m gay. After that, she started denying that I had any attraction to girls. My queerness was only an act to get more attention at school. I predicted that he’d be fine with it and was right on the mark. You see, in order to come out without any major backfire, you need to talk to someone that you absolutely trust, even if they’re only your friend. Heck, I outed myself at school during Empathy Day before I started on my family. Yeah, it was awkward because nobody expected me to be lesbian, but man it felt so nice. It was really worth it. Plus, Empathy Day was supposed to be a day where everyone had to be honest about themselves, tell stories, learn how to be kinder to others, etcetera. It all started because there’s some girls at my school who are Black Lives Matter supporters and were cyberbullying people online who didn’t advocate the movement. Originally, Empathy Day was going to be Mental Health Day. My mom loves to coddle me like I’m still a kid. It weirds me out. Like she wants me to start having relationships with boys, but also wants me to not be independent. No joke, my mom will always talk about all these “sexy and absolutely perfect” Jewish guys that I know from synagogue. Btw they’re all either unbelievably shy, narcissist jerkoffs, wannabe lawyers or Torahthumpers. Jewish guys are the worst imo. She’s desperate for me to start dating someone just because all of my friends are/were in relationships. I explain that I’m not interested atm, which causes her to freak out and ask me about why I’m lying to myself. It’s like she wants me to be a trophy wife to some douchebag who happens to be the same faith as her. My mom is crazy for those classic same-religion/race relationships. She says that it will make me realize the “true” purpose of living. I love being in an-girls school! There’s no boys to try to make a move on me when I’m not looking. It amazes her that I love being in a uniform and attending a school without any guys whatsoever. Sans for like a handful of guy teachers. True that. Same, I love watching those shows too. Imo some of them are kind of funny. I wish that I was better at chemistry and physics, so far I’m failing my chemistry class lol. I see the teacher twice a week after school for an hour and a half with one of my friends, but I’m still bombing. On the other hand, she’s acing it and I’m pissed off at her because she brags all of the damn time about being better than me at something. I usually get straight As, sometimes a few stray B+s or C once in a blue moon. Although, I love to write as a hobby. Journaling as made me realize it over past two weeks. Literally, after my counselor reads it, she always says how much of an excellent writer I am and that I should do more with it. It takes me forever to write something that I like. More like it takes hours for me to write well. I always nitpick over stupid things when I’m finish done writing something and then I go head first into editing it with a thesaurus. Word choice is very important to me. No problem! I appreciate your company, it's kind of lonely here compared to Deviantart. I hope that you feel better!

@PabloPenguin1800 Thanks for understanding. Yeah, junior year isn't exactly a breeze either, I just started a little week than a week ago and I already have four tests that I'm doing this upcoming week. Now thinking about it, it's an extremely good thing that I got summer reading done almost two weeks before school started, everyone is my grade is scrambling to read their books and do the research paper rn. Literally, I only have to alphabetize my bibliography and then I'm done, the summer reading is not due until this Tuesday. Besides, I got bigger problems rn than the summer reading anyway (*cough, Studio Art II, Chemistry I and Algebra II, cough*). TBH I'm not worried at all about making a bunch of money, I want to start my career early because all of the nicer jobs in the art field are taken immediately after college, like animation or illustration for example. I plan to take a couple college classes during the summer so that way I can graduate early. Heck, at this point I may graduate college earlier than my brother and he's almost forty years old! He's dragging his feet rn about turning in the rest of his transcripts from high school and blaming my mom for it lol. Being an engineer sounds fun, but be sure that you actually want to do it for the majority of your life. Also, have a backup choice if something happens where you're unable to fill out prerequisites or change your mind later. For me, if I absolutely had to have to choose another major, then probably I would be in recreational therapy and gemology, more likely recreational therapy. Yet, I can't imagine myself happy in either subject despite having a slight interest in the both of them. I don't particularly like being around kids or doing math calculations. Ouch, thank god I only have one, I can't honestly imagine your situation if that was me. It's sucks having to be pulling into every little argument between my mom and brother, I've tried to go to my room when it happens, but my mom always finds out and convince me that her opinion is the only right one. We've go to family counseling, but it ends up making the problems worse because everybody's is lying to each other and blaming each other for dumb shit. Although, one-on-one therapy for me usually does the trick most of the time, but my physiologist loves my mom and so he tends to stick towards her beliefs even though she over-exaggerates everything. Things like me having huge, largely romantic crushes on other girls who go to my school. I admire hgh self-confidence/esteem more than superficial looks and I feel more comfortable labeling myself as lesbian due to past trauma in middle school. However, to her it is, "Well, she has this weird obsession with like this one girl that's really mean to her and always talks about her and wanting to have a sexual relationship even though she's like still a kid. It's making me uncomfortable because she used to love boys, but now can't stand them at all. I think she's looking at gay porn on my computer again." I try as hard as I can to get over her, but this shit I can't handle along with a bunch of other things. It's very frustrating. She's my mom, but treats me and my brother like garbage. I can't wait to go to college, preferably out of state, so that way I can deal with her as little as possible. My brother is planning to move to Hawaii with his girlfriend once he finishes college with a teaching degree. (Sorry about the rant, it's just things with family atm are stressful, I needed to vent it out before I had to punch a wall fyi) Same, you're really nice and easy to talk to whenever I'm online! uwu

@PabloPenguin1800 Eh, it's cool. School starts back up again tomorrow, so I'm kind of on edge rn. I'm a junior and being pressured to know where I'm going for college and everything by our class counselor. It's frustrating because I want to go into a fine arts college and probably study either animation or graphic design, but my mom wants me to study neurology/biology/cardiology at a fancy, high-brow medical college in New York. She thinks that if I pursue art that I'm gonna be like brother who dropped out of college several times for doing dumb shit and still doesn't know want he wants to do despite being sixteen years older than me. Although, my foot has healed completely and I can walk on it without any discomfort. I noticed a couple days ago that the big toe that got hit with the frame is a little crooked now, but it's no big deal. Thanks for asking btw. Speaking of which, how have you been dude?

@PabloPenguin1800 Np! What happened to you?

@PabloPenguin1800 Hope you spend a little more time having fun before school starts, a couple days ago my mom accidentally dropped a picture frame on my foot and we're pretty sure that its' either a hairline fracture or a bone bruise. So, I'm on complete bedrest until the bruise is almost gone. It's actually kind of fun because I get to lay on the couch, play video games on my laptop and watch cartoons all day without getting yelled at lol xD

@PabloPenguin1800 neato ; )

@PabloPenguin1800 Same, I only have less than a month left. So far, it's been pretty boring tbh. What about you?

@PabloPenguin1800 np!