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use your real name

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People always want to kick us while we're down- or at least my family. My limbs are weak and my fever's high; lying in bed I turn this on and just wanted to fade into my blankets. I still remember the first day this link came through on my phone and how hard it hit me that someone could love me like this. I've had others but it never felt the same and I think about what's right for me, what's hurt me and what makes me a better person. For some reason I can't stop crying, thinking about how much I want you here and how I've never been able to handle the idea that you may not want me as much as I want you. This always soothes me and I dream of the things in these lyrics with you and I, and then I think about what a mess I am, and how I want to be someone beautiful that you can meet when you're finally here. I want to protect you and share everything with you, run my fingers through your hair and hold you high up, watch silly cartoons and movies- debating on what we love most, take walks with you, hold your hand when it's cold. I don't know if you'll ever believe me, or if you'll even read this anytime soon, but I love you, Victoria.