oblivionjam

It may take you all your life....

The distractions that surround us are monumental. They push and pull us like gale force winds; A hurricane of influence swaying our lives in directions we never intended on going. But we wander down these channels, mistaking them as right because they feel so easy.
Along the way the roaring rushing of wind drowns out that voice that lives within us, the voice that calls out to us, desperately begging for its plea to be heard.
But we cannot hear it over the sweeping, thundering noise. Soon we will forget about this voice, and left ignored it quiets.
Pushed into a life by a force we let take control; we tell ourselves we're happy and that everything is as it should be.

This is what I fear.

As a child I would day dream that when I was older my life would be an adventure. I would imagine days full of new smells, strange sights, far off places, and hundreds of tiny moments of pure joy. I imagined standing on the edge of mountains, the feel of desert sands under my feet, and orange sunrises over the ocean. I wanted to share moments of intimacy with strangers. To experience the beauty of being alive and free, chasing extraordinary moments like specs of dust on the wind.
The power of these fantasies I created were so consuming that I felt as though my insides were on fire, alight with a passionate lust for this existence. My heart would race and my skin would buzz with an imagined life of limitless proportions. Never once did I imagine my resolve giving way, sitting idly by as my fantasies slowly would fade.

That is a fate I refuse to agree to; the lost pursuit of a dream. I will not ignore the voice inside me, my inner child, as it is my duty to honor her. Out on the horizon of my life are patient moments of untainted happiness. More than just tiny specs of dust on the wind, they are moments so glorious you’ll feel as though all your life force will come bursting out of you in beams of white light. For these moments are what it means to be truly alive. To make passionate dream into manifested reality, I will exist within the here and now.
I will chase specs of dust, escaping the gusts of wind that try to detour me, with the entirety of my mite! For it's my one true hope that I have the courage to forge ahead, in pursuit of this happiness, even if it means leaving behind the comfort and safety of what I have now.

So let me stand in the eye of the hurricane with this resolve. Grant me the strength to battle through the wind and not be swept off my feet, forever to be lost in its currents. Fill me with fearless determination to reach the other side, emerging from chaos into a calm still space that is empty and free.

To live an unconventional life, I feel, is my destiny.