"I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant, and all-around obnoxious asshole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. I am dismissive of the virtuous, unaware of the beautiful, and uncomprehending to the face of the happy. So if I didn't understand I was being asked to be best man, it is because I never expected to be anyone's best friend."

—a mix for the lonely protector who fakes apathy.

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